It has been a while since I have held forth on some
pet hates in the style of the TV programme, Room 101. In fact,it was January
2009, so I do not feel too bad about venting my spleen again on some diverse
topics. Truth be told, it would not concern me if the last moan had been more
recent - there is no humour to be found in positivity. Looking back at my last
post on this subject, I note that the subjects were not too contentious. I aim
to remedy that this time. Okey dokey, here we go then.
Eating off planks of wood.
Yes, I know that the wooden trencher was
in general use before the invention of crockery for the masses. However, this
does not mean that I wish to regress to the dark ages when I go out for a meal.
While I am on the subject, I have no desire to eat off an up-cycled roof slate
either.
Drivers of off road vehicles.
Now, I am not sure of the reason, but I
have yet to see a 4X4 in a car park occupying less than two spaces even when it
would have fitted within the lines that denote the space for one vehicle. Equally,
on narrow country roads, the 4X4 driver will show a complete aversion to
driving anywhere within yard of the verge. This is in spite of the undeniable
fact that his vehicle is eminently suited to some light off road travel.
Cyclists.
I realise that this one may be controversial. I am prepared to
accept that some cyclists may well be unfairly tarred with the brush that I am
about to wield. However, the cyclist who eschews the cycle path and insists on
occupying space on the road (that he neither pays road fund licence or
insurance to use) should be killed until he dies from it. The cyclist who
undertakes a line of stationary traffic, knocking mirrors and scraping his
handlebars along doors as he goes, should have his derailleur shoved where the
sun does not shine. The cyclist who is of the opinion that road signs and
markings, traffic lights in particular, do not apply to him really does deserve
to end his days as the bumper ornament of a badly driven 4X4.
To put all this into some sort of perspective, I do understand
that some cyclists do ride responsibly and are not just a fecking nuisance. In
fact, some of my friends (well, at least until they read this) ride bicycles
and I am sure that none of the above describes them. I am also prepared to admit that some drivers
of off road vehicles do know where the extremities of their vehicles are and
are able to drive them competently. I cannot, however, conceive of any
circumstance where the serving of food on various items from a purveyor of
reclaimed building materials is anything other than pretentious bollocks.
So, there you have it. My spleen is vented, I am fresh out of
vitriol and all of this is now off my chest.
I will now sit back and wait for the invective to fly in from the
4X4 driving, gastro pub owning cyclists.
Is that all? You haven't even mentioned people who believe they can walk and text at the same time, even while driving a shopping trolley and looking for fusilli pasta ...
ReplyDeleteThis may be the first of many such rants, Tim.
ReplyDeleteAnd how about those people who stand chatting, in groups of three; one to block the shop doorway, one to block the pavement and one to poke you in the shins while gesticulating with a pushchair.
ReplyDeleteWell, we ate scampi out of much-used baskets in the 70s, but then that was the Dark Ages too, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteRecently, I saw a sparkling white Range Rover. It was the stupidest car I've ever seen.
I find that car drivers are immensely courteous when I'm on my bike in Yagnub. But I try to be the same - I get off and wait or walk on the pavement if cars are behind me and can't overtake and I'm holding them up, for instance. I wish drivers would signal if, by doing so, they'd save a tired looking elderly female cyclist from having to stop at a junction.
I apologise for agreeing with you, especially as I used to drive a Landrover.