The Bear is moving

I’m moving to another cave next month. I’ve given the obligatory one months notice on my current cave. So I thought I would make a start on notifying the numerous interested parties of my new address.

I started with my bank (who is my enemy). I have a current account and a credit card with this bank (who is my enemy), so I thought that it would be fairly straightforward. In the interests of being fair, I will not name this bank (who is my enemy). However, it rhymes with “flabby”.

So, last Monday, I gave them a ring from work to see what I should do. After pressing “2” for existing customer, “4” for current accounts, “3” for today my underpants are blue and having to listen to a speech generator telling me what my current balance was, I pressed “9” to speak to a human. I must qualify this, bank staff and estate agents only count as “human” in the very broadest of terms. I was then treated to a generated voice, “Thankyou for calling [name of enemy], goodbye.”

Not to be deterred, the following day, I went through the above process again and ended up talking to a real voice. It was as I had thought, I would have to go into the branch. So, on my way home, I called in. I explained that I wanted to notify them of a change of address for my account and credit card. I was given a form and told to bring some identification in with the completed request. No problem, I always have my driving licence with me. However, I would have to phone to change my address for the credit card. Hmmm.

On Thursday, I rang the credit card department of the bank (who is my enemy). After 11 minutes of button pressing and listening to irrelevant information, I got to speak to someone. “I’d like to inform you of my change of address, please.”
“Ok,” said the nice Irish lady. “Do you have any other products with [name of enemy]?”
“Yes”, said I, “I have contents insurance." This was a new question, although they asked me in the branch if I would like to increase it as I was moving.
“In that case, you will have to go to the branch to change your address.”
“But they said I would have to phone!”
“I’m sorry, they have given you the wrong information, we can’t change addresses over the phone if you have another product with us.”

There was a moment of silence while I tried (and failed) to get my head around this new revelation. Resisting the urge to vent my spleen, I thanked her and hung up. Hmmm.

On my way home, I called in at the branch with my completed form.
“Here is my form, can you confirm that this will also cover my change of address for my credit card?”
“Oh yes.” Remember that this was not what I was told on Tuesday. Still, least said, soonest mended and all that.

“Do you have some identification, sir?”
“Yes, I have my driving licence in my wallet.” I said. “Bloody hell! No I haven’t, I posted it yesterday to get the address changed.”

So, guess where I am going on my way home today?